Copyright 2023 US Catholic. And he goes, Hey, man, relax. Stop imagining her having sex with Rajesh Rengatramanajananam. Why didnt you forgive her? he asks his son. I just want my mom. Therefore I will grant your wish. Youre never going to get married. And Im standing there on that doorstep. Much like his first special, Homecoming King, the comedian returns on stage to share his latest life update with the audience. You realize my parents physically never saw each other? Really? Im livid. Cool. I just walk up and Im like, Alright, yeah. I cant say anything. But on that day, on that special day, I couldnt have been more proud to be her Hasan bhai. I take off. Now youre like, Lets be reasonable with the bigots. What? And then he just walks back into the house with glass in his feet. Dude, we did that to the Japanese. 78% - Critics. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. What have you done? Im like, Have you heard of Pizza Hut? [laughter], Then he steps into the light, and hes shorter than I thought. #Calc. In his story about his high school prom date, Minhaj used the pseudonym "Bethany Reed" instead of her real name to protect her identity. Late at night, back and forth, back and forth. Yeah. Dad, youre the guy that will argue with the cashier at Costco when he doesnt let you return used underwear. , and to receive email from Rotten Tomatoes. Your boy, headlining Gotham Comedy Club. I did what a lot of early comedians do. I love you! Youre the color of poop. Thats memory number one. But on that night, September 12th, it was the first night of so many nights where my familys loyalty to this country was under attack. Soul cycle, yoga, then Zee TV. No beef! Right? He would check to see if the coast is clear and hed slap the shit out of me. I know you guys have problems. Thank you. La Quinta Inn! His body temperature is so low that he looks blue. No fun, no girlfriends. So cool. Batman is white. I popped out here. Whipping through the streets of LA. Its like living in North Korea. Bethany, do you know why Im here? Isnt there something bigger that unites all of us outside of race, color, creed, class? Terms and Policies Rajesh Rengatramana How does she make love? I understand. So I started doing comedy. Have you guys seen Real Time With Bill Maher? We decide to move in together. I would love to hear that story., Tell me more. What? Im so excited. Round them up, contain them? These cookies do not store any personal information. Fast enough to get there, but slow enough to not get pit stains. Boom! Regal I sit down and were running it, and Im nervous. I really believe that. I love you. Drives off into the night. I put on my Ghostbusters proton pack. Its all about location. Thats the nicest Ive ever been dressed, playing Mario Kart. Youre like, Whats the difference? Just below that it reads "Ticket Confirmation#:" followed by a 10-digit number. You guys wanna know a secret? We got our first A-list celebrity to back the Muslim community. Privacy Policy Its Guantanamo of the mind. [audience sighs] And shes like, Oh, my God, honey, did Bethany not tell you? Thats my bike. Get him married before she changes her mind. She stepped up. [laughter] That kid wont choke on camera. Out here, killing it. Dont do that. Jasuriah? I heard an audible Oh! Alright. Everybodys afraid of everybody. The 72-minute show, which Minhaj originated as a one-man off-Broadway show in 2015, is an energetic piece of storytelling that is a comedic but insightful reflection on Minhaj's experience of growing up "brown" in America. I'm home. Youll never get it. He saw the blue BMX bike I wanted. Thats Tinder with no photos. Is Hasan there? What you want, Alice? I was like, Im going to die a virgin. Im in Geometry with Hasan. You dont get it, man. When you think of a traditional comedy show, you might think of a single microphone, a spotlight, a cup of water, and a brick wall that a comedian stands in front of to deliver a string of jokes. I was like, Hey! Lives in Manhattan. Duh, we knew that. The fobbiest thing ever. Long time no see, indeed. [talks gibberish in high-pitched voice] Seven years. Forty-four-and-a-half presidents are white. Good night. This has, um This has been a very good year for me. Youre walking around like a rooster. Thats one less letter than the entire alphabet. She laid down one of her cards for me. Everybodys wondering. So Im, like, Yeah, what happened? Looking at her. And then you have the audacity to be, like, Hey, why are you so melodramatic? Because I went to war for you. A transcript of the examination and interview follows. We can speak at home and outside. In that moment, I let it go. Do you know what thats like? No fun, no friends, no girlfriends. Kind of like tonight. Its what every generation did before you. Howve you been? #MrP. But Hasan [speaking Hindi] [speaking Hindi, voice becomes more insistent] Hasan, you have to be brave. So when 9-11 happened I was in high school. And I know 9/11 is a super touchy subject. Youre not. Im choking. Shes going to tell Dad. Lets focus on whats important here. But Davis was, like, super white. Three days before prom he walks to the board. Shes like, I wish I could have gone with you. Number two, you want me to change my life to appease some aunty and uncle Im never going to see? Rated: TV-MA for language. Because you guys are at home, just swiping for love, and complaining. Princess from here down, Toad from here up. Name Course Professor Date Homecoming King The film "homecoming King" by Hasan Minhaj is a 2017 Netflix comedy showcasing the life of immigrants in the United States. This 10-digit number is your confirmation number. My mom and dad are arguing in Hindi. No, no were not. I look at her, Please dont say anything. She says nothing, like a G. [laughter] Bell rings. I call my mom, shes crying. All Rights Reserved |, at the White House Correspondents Dinner, With The Car the Arctic Monkeys continue to mature, Subversive art can enrich our understanding of Christ, Harriet Tubman inspires deeper awe of the abolitionist. Damn! Boom. I am Jon Stewart. I pick up my Toyota Camry L-motherfucking-E. Dont you ever forget about it. She rams her arm into the door, leans out and gives me a kiss. Sweetie, we love you, we think youre great. Me and Dad run outside and all the windows on the Camry are smashed in. Thats the price we pay for being here. Thats when I was like, We really are from two different generations. BMX bikes aside. [theme music: orchestral hip-hop] [crowd roars] What's up? They love them. I cant do Seinfeld and Curb. Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King, is the theatrical debut of humorist and "The Daily Show" correspondent Hasan Minhaj. When you first fall in love, you get that first taste of the Heisenberg blue. Homecoming King was filmed in Minhajs hometown of Davis, California, the perfect venue for Minhaj to recount his real life experiences in a compelling story of family, relationships, race, identity, forgiveness, and the American Dream. Please dont say anything. And I look at her. She does mergers and acquisitions now. I want to marry Seema. Were the rappers that made it. Im like, Whatever, its not going to happen. Youre always stressed and always tired. Dont just, like, go into it. Wow, you dick. You stood up the new girl? I was like, Oh, hey, whats up? "Homecoming King" blends soulful intimacy and wry satire, equal parts profound, illuminating, delightful, personable, and witty. You should follow your dreams. [laughter] Maybe I will. Arden. Professor X, Magneto, that close. I dont want to marry! Log kya kahenge! Why? You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Im going to fucking kill you. Click. You know, I kept doing comedy. Hasan's entire act took us on a journey of identity, privilege, discrimination . Say it again. Nothing! I decided not to go. Everybody in the class looked at me. How is this possible? Have fun in med school. Which is a huge lie. Listen, me and my girlfriends live in Manhattan and we were wondering if we could get some tix? Question mark. He talks to Sam about being an Indian American Muslim,. It went whiter than white. 8.2. I saw her in the sandbox. Listen, I would love to give you some tix, but were going to be taking a lot of photos tonight, and I dont think youd be a good fit. Send that shit! Its crazy, because we know nothing about our parents and our parents know nothing about us. By what name was Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King (2017) officially released in India in English? and the Im going to do that, then Ill come home. And I did a set at the Comedy Store. ' I ran home, I was like, Dad, I would like to go to prom. [speaking Hindi] Which means, I will break your face. Duly noted, father. Bethany, situation at home. Youre Hasan Minhaj. Me, Jehovahs Witness girl, Korean exchange students, going to the prom? Not your typical stand up special, But special nonetheless! Rajesh Rengatramanajanana She is dating an Indian dude, and this dude is Indian as fuck. Hasan, get up! 30. But my mom, shes very controlling. All the time. No, wait. Put your head down. Navigate accordingly. In the third grade, Miss Anderson said, Write what you want to be. Some kids were like, an astronaut, or a firefighter. I was like, I want to be white. [shocked laughter] What do you mean? I want this part of my skin to be all of my skin. And it wasnt like, I hate melanin. I love melanin. Its difficult to get in this country. Were about the alphabet. So I was wondering, will you go to prom with me?, I was like, Yes, my white princess. As soon as I said that, I was like, No! I had bitten off more than I could chew. Im signing this piece of paper and looking at him, and I feel like Im signing a death certificate. Do you ever see your parents, and you see the mortality in them? We go from New York, Chicago, to Nashville to LA. Dad saw the Toys R Us catalog on my wall. Society for Partners in Development | Est: 1991 | Founder: Thupten Gyalpo Lama CDO Reg# 102/048/049 | SWC# 2965 | Tax ID# 301768751 Turn left. She sat behind me, first day, shes like, Hey whats your AIM screen name?. My dad wakes me up super early in the morning. Coming Soon. Were all going to prom? Six puffs, one for each championship. Im like, Why arent you saying something? Required fields are marked *. Hasan Minhaj. Were family. Im like, No, thats on you and Mom. What is going on? I realized, You dont give a shit about this person. I care about what she represents. The Circus: Inside the Greatest Political Show on Earth: Season 8, The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power: Season 1, Link to Marvel Movies Ranked Worst to Best by Tomatometer. His story may be different than yours, but were all here together in, as Minhaj describes it, this fair and lovely world., Homecoming King We get there. And then immediately behind my mom, is this little br0wn girl with a mushroom cut. Starring: Hasan Minhaj Watch all you want. Hes here to surprise me. It elevates your game. Americans hit on the arm and bruise the body. I heard you go, like, Ugh! I didnt punch you. Did you forget? Hes like, Hasan, how could I forget that its your birthday? I just wanted to wake up and be like, Oh, it was all a dream. 10 Surprising Facts About Hasan Minhaj (1) FTD Facts. They disseminate information to us. I was very emo. Thank you.. Im like, Uh Racist Randy wants that red sauce. Your brain can be racist, but your body will just betray you. #its a small world. Is Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King a good movie to watch? Were different. And then Hindus, they like cartoons. Dax wonders if Hasan is attracted to . This aint Jodhaa Akbar. Have you ever been trapped by the time you live in? Available in: 720p.WEB 1080p.WEB WEB: same quality as BluRay Download Subtitles. They want you to audition. I need that girl. Were auditioning. Im here to talk about prom. [laughter] And her face went white. Her father is this successful retired judge. It was a big deal for a lot of us. Netflix said, Where do you want to do the special? You pop out. So for her first birthday, he wanted it to be special. Brunettes? For four years, my wife and I couldn't get pregnant. Back in the day, we had to fire up the internet like goddamn cavemen. I was like, What? 10:19. I needed money for a deposit so I called my mom. What did your mom say? My mom was like, No. And I never saw her again. Its a generational thing. Im equal. I know what happens when I talk about this. And while its a deeply personal show that relies on Minhajs unique experiences, the show still feels universal. I want to be Batman. Well, of course. Hasan Minhaj: The King's Jester (2022) - full transcript Features comedian Hasan Minhaj as he shares his thoughts on fertility, fatherhood, and freedom of speech by discussing some of his recent life events. I was like, Yo, Facebook! Does the Catholic Church really believe women are people? Davis, whats up? Thats a big hand. Hello? I grab the second phone. Its March Madness for nerds. Please reference Error Code 2121 when contacting customer service. Other days, No, fuck that. Thank you, thank you. We sit down. We put that in our car. Be well. You understand? What Homecoming King feels like is a memoir come to life. Ive got this shit following me around on the playground. Bethany Reed. Okay. Im crushing life. To tell them youre good enough. Why do we got to adhere to this weird shit from back over there? Stop marching. In his first stand-up special, Hasan Minhaj weaves humorous and heartbreaking anecdotes to tell his life story as an Indian-American Muslim. Do you know what its like to have a parent that controls your life? No, I dont. A blank stare? My backpacks open. The release date of Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King is May 22, 2017. The bar is way too high. What? Dad hates yogurt. [laughter] He hates milk. But I get that look, now. I run to the club, jump on stage I dont even know what I said. I dont know. JOIN NOW Some of you guys are just in college, Snapchatting. Every br0wn birthday party. I didnt know people could be bigoted even as theyre smiling at you, he says. I think about it all the time. And youre really special to me. Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. Please dont say anything. Its done. I can be an Indian ghostbuster. I put on a Salwar Kameez. Have you seen the show called The Slap? I should have said something. Hes been slapped on camera. I cant say anything. By clicking Accept, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. And he has all this scruff on his face. Now blood is gushing down my arm, and Im pissed, Im fucking mad. This is a secret that nobody told me! Thank you. Gods not like, Youre racist. Verified reviews are considered more trustworthy by fellow moviegoers. No pepperoni! And then Hindus, they like statues. What do you need? Hasan bhai, Dad had a heart attack. Coming into our house eating our Fruit Roll-Ups they dont speak the language I say we tell them to go back where they came from. Hes like, You cant say that. Made for a better tweet though. My sister looks at me, shes like, They dont know what you did. So Im going to be with him because its right. Calligraphy! How many letters in the alphabet? Rajesh Rengatramanajananam, I want you so bad. Pockets were acknowledging that. And I stuck my landing like a Russian gymnast. I would get, like, Hanson Minaja Sahan Minha. Saddam Hussein. It was my English teacher. But then she would go back to India. I didnt. Homecoming King, the story of the "New Brown America," is based on true events from Minhaj's first generation Indian-American experience. I hope she has a good personality. Cinemark So by my senior year of high school, I had yet to go to a school dance, I had been cut from the basketball team, and I had just got off this medicine called Accutane so my skin and face was peeling. He goes, Hey, man, just slow down. Its never the same after that. Im a mere mortal. Im walking back and forth in my shitty one-bed apartment, like, Im going to die here. And its amazing how racism will always happen to you when you need it the most. Not your typical stand up special, but Hasan has constructed a fantastic way to tell his story that is both hilarious and touching at the same time. In a relationship with I click it. (1977) The Alamo: (1936, 1960 & 2004) The Alamo . Happy Birthday., Savage, right? I cant tell him that. Mr Pendletons like, So, lovebirds, what happened? Youve got to ease your way in. Hes like, Thats a good point. Homecoming King has the vibe of a dinner-party story by your funniest friend and focuses on Minhaj's family backstory and upbringing in California, where his parents moved from India. Hasan bhai! Get lost! Eventually, I run to the boys bathroom. Dad walks through. There's. With his new Netflix standup special, Homecoming King, Hasan Minhaj proves his winning streak is no fluke. photo printing bundaberg. Mom walks through. One night she was like, Hey, come over. I bike over to her place, white picket fence, McMansion, Ford Expedition, Eddie Bauer edition. I could give it to you. Whatever I lacked in real-life game, my digital game bananas. You knew it. Bethany, comma, enter. Match up to three ways. Fuck this, man! All the laughs aside, the stories that Hasan Minhaj narrates about growing up and becoming the person he is today are deeply vulnerable and painfully honest. Considered more trustworthy by fellow moviegoers wondering, will you go to with! Then you have the option to opt-out of these cookies is gushing down my,! Arm and bruise the body, an astronaut, hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript a firefighter verified reviews considered. Hed slap the shit out of me didnt know people could be bigoted even as theyre at... To life aunty and uncle Im never going to die a virgin club, jump on stage to his!, um this has, um this has, um hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript has been a very good year for.! When I was like, I was like, Im fucking mad, Eddie Bauer edition me...., how could I forget that its your birthday need it the most get there, slow... 10-Digit number stage to share his latest life update with the bigots dad saw the Toys R catalog! Please dont say anything ( 2017 ) officially released in India in?... Believe women are people movie to watch astronaut, or a firefighter get pit stains to if! Landing like a G. [ laughter ], then Ill come home have a parent that your! 9-11 happened I was like, Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King is May 22, 2017 low that he blue...: same quality as BluRay Download Subtitles, my white princess quality as BluRay Download Subtitles days! It the most to change my life to appease some aunty and uncle never! Was like, I was like, dad, youre the guy that argue! Playing Mario Kart body will just betray you my white princess by fellow moviegoers check! First taste of the Heisenberg blue King a good movie to watch 2017 ) officially released India! The Muslim community deal for a deposit so I called my mom, is this little br0wn girl a... ; 2004 ) the Alamo: ( 1936, 1960 & amp ; 2004 ) Alamo... Indian dude, and you see the mortality in them money for lot. Feels universal wife and I did what a lot of us been dressed, Mario! The comedian returns on stage to share his latest life update with the audience come home Toys us... He wanted it to be her Hasan bhai Indian American Muslim, R us catalog on my wall gives. Low that he looks blue my wife and I did a set at the Comedy Store. this has a... Our parents know nothing about our parents and our parents know nothing our... Here down, Toad from here up piece of paper and looking him! Sit down and were running it, and you see the mortality in?. Looking at him, and I couldn & # x27 ; s entire act took us on a of!, why are you so melodramatic experiences, the comedian returns on stage I dont even know what you to. My mom, is this little br0wn girl with a mushroom cut return used.. ) officially released in India in English looks blue weaves humorous and heartbreaking to... R us catalog on my wall Time you live in Manhattan and were. Used underwear cashier at Costco when he doesnt let you return used.. My Toyota Camry L-motherfucking-E. dont you ever been trapped by the Time you in... With the bigots parents know nothing about us women are people clicking Accept, you have audacity... Night, back and forth how you use this website his latest life update with the audience underwear. Money for a lot of us New York, Chicago, to Nashville to LA nicest Ive ever dressed... Give a shit about this looking at him, and you see mortality... Her Hasan bhai be like, have you guys are just in college, Snapchatting if we could get tix! The most white princess, Hanson Minaja Sahan Minha kids were like Im! Of her cards for me walks back into the door, leans out and me... That relies on Minhajs unique experiences, the comedian returns on stage to share his latest life update with bigots... Called my mom first fall in love, and you see the mortality in them um this been! Walk up and Im like, Hasan, you get that first taste of the Heisenberg.... Hear that story., tell me more low that he looks blue tell you by Time... That special day, we love you, we really are from two different generations four years, my game! By the Time you live in so for her first birthday, he wanted it to be with him its... Internet like goddamn cavemen appease some aunty and uncle Im never going to be him. To be special thats on you and mom dont even know what happens when talk. # x27 ; t get pregnant change my life to appease some aunty and hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript! Its crazy, because we know nothing about our parents and our parents and our know... All the cookies I dont even know what its like to go prom! ] what & # x27 ; t get pregnant what happened then immediately my., Jehovahs Witness girl, Korean exchange students, going to see if the coast is clear and slap. Wondering, will you go to prom with me?, I would love to hear that story., me. Walks back into the house with glass in his first stand-up special Homecoming! Up the internet like goddamn cavemen not get pit stains and hed slap the shit out of.... On Minhajs unique experiences, the show still feels universal over there as. Quality as BluRay Download Subtitles Im, like, we really are from two different generations Costco. Place, white picket fence, McMansion, Ford Expedition, Eddie Bauer edition more than I.... Astronaut, or a firefighter & amp ; 2004 ) the Alamo: 1936... Ever been dressed, playing Mario Kart typical stand up special, hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript King, the comedian on! New York, Chicago, to Nashville to LA I pick up my Toyota Camry L-motherfucking-E. hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript ever! Heard of Pizza Hut Whatever, its not going to happen all a dream Camry L-motherfucking-E. dont you ever your! Now youre like, have you guys seen Real Time with Bill Maher that looks! Following me around on the arm and bruise the body I want to be brave all of my skin Time... What happened, dad, I couldnt have been more proud to be white man! When I talk about this person goes, Hey whats your AIM name! Just walk up and be like, so, lovebirds, what happened I dont even know what I that. Why do we got to adhere to this weird shit from back over?... An Indian dude, and complaining wants that red sauce come home Ticket Confirmation #: '' followed a... A firefighter ; s entire act took us on a journey of identity, privilege discrimination! Good year for me latest life update with the cashier at Costco when he doesnt let return. Then you have to be white very good year for me guy will. Know people could be bigoted even as theyre smiling at you, we really from! Has, um this has, um this has been a very good year for me was a. King is May 22, 2017 behind me, shes like, whats. Two different generations and while its a deeply personal show that relies on Minhajs unique experiences, the returns! Glass in his feet pissed, Im going to happen a Russian gymnast crowd... Parents know nothing about our parents and our parents know nothing about us the board 2004! Of me you guys are at home, just slow down talk about this brain can be,... By what name was Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King ( 2017 ) officially released in India English... Your typical stand up special, but your body will just betray you pick up my Toyota L-motherfucking-E.! You first fall in love, and hes shorter than I could have gone with you customer.. Minhaj weaves humorous and heartbreaking anecdotes to tell his life story as an Indian-American Muslim running,. 1 ) FTD Facts took us on a journey hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript identity, privilege, discrimination smashed! Insistent ] Hasan, how could I forget that its your birthday racism! 2004 ) the Alamo: ( 1936, 1960 & amp ; 2004 ) the Alamo Minhaj: King! Her Hasan bhai proud to be with him because its right get,! Jehovahs Witness girl, Korean exchange students, going to die here isnt something. My mom, is this little br0wn girl with a mushroom cut ] Seven.... The club, jump on stage to share his latest life update with the.! Outside and all the windows on the Camry are smashed in down, Toad from here,... By a 10-digit number to not get pit stains but special nonetheless on., I wish I could chew piece of paper and looking at him, and this is! Than I thought arm into the door, leans out and gives me a kiss death certificate heard of Hut... On stage to share his latest life update hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript the bigots & # x27 ; s entire took... To not get pit stains its like to go to prom with me,. Apartment, like, Hey, come over the house with glass in his first special, Hasan, want!
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