I dont see any way you can continue your relationship with James when his brother is a raving lunatic and you have a a big bulls eye on your back as long as youre with James (who is doing nothing to distance himself from his brother and to protect you). I know its hard but if he loves you, the truth will slowly come out. I say what i want without beating around the bush because i cant stand the drama and all the time wasted on it. This can also be the reason why he's not introducing you to his friends. Who knows what is going on with him? ), Autumnrose The campaign, which includes a series of playful and humorous ads, aims to position Tinder as a fun and lighthearted platform for meeting new people. If she was all that concerned, she could have broached it a different way. I totally agree. He might soon have a child, get married, or get a job. It's like im also on the wrong here for feeling bad about what his sister is doing to me. I would NEVER ask him to disown his brother, but at the same time, I cannot have a relationship with his brother ever again, an this has torn James and me apart. Your boyfriend isn't the guy you should marry. Weve been dating for 3 years my (18f) boyfriend (19m) wont defend me to his parents. Are you sure you are not just waiting for any moment to pounce at the sister?? If his sister's sitting on the couch and making a "moooooooo" cow sound every time OP walks in with her guy, OK, yeah, he should be telling his sister to can it. Also, if his parents are nice to you, why are they being lumped in with feeling uncomfortable/not wanting to be around them? And Ross may have a drinking problem and and anger problem. Or you might be very liberal and indecent to them. He wasnt just her long-term boyfriends brother, he was a close personal friend of hers too. Perhaps she should have left the topic to her boyfriend, but her partners success directly affects her. Did she just think that Ross was going to have a come-to-Jesus moment, and was going to stop drinking and fix his life? They've made comments on my looks, interests, lifestyle, etc,. You can talk to your partner about it and express concern. After that she was particularly nasty to me. Ruby Thursday Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. I knew he needed to get help, so on the Fourth of July weekend, I made a comment to Ross about his drinking problem and lack of working as hard as his brother Pure sabotage , VeeLee He might not be serious about you at all. She says that the brothers business is very successful. Maybe he is only looking to date casually until something better comes along. He might feel that its too early to be introducing you to his friends because he wants to keep the relationship on the down low until its more serious. Lets jump right in: Your boyfriend might be hiding you from his family because hes not over his ex. Honestly he's a great guy, and i could see a future with him, and marriage is probably the next step for us, but there's a catch: i absolutely cannot tolerate his family. He might have a painful past or an unconventional family. First, it was not at all her place to decide to correct Rosss behavior. Hi. And as much as i would love to "pounce" on her, i cant. But with his family, its an exception. And the truth comes out. Anyway, you dont have anything to do with Ross, his life is not your problem, as long as he is not doing something illegal to you. I dont just mean mass shootings. When you attack somebody personally and publicly you cant exactly be surprised when they feel attacked at thus (over)react accordingly, dinoceros Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed. Started February 13, By No one on here is saying in any way that Ross was correct in his behavior. Presumably, you fill a role in her life that is unfilled otherwise, and she does the same for you. JinjimmynieSeptember 11, 2017 in Relationship Advice. If you've been using dating apps, you've probably encountered the frustrating phenomenon of potential matches saying "I'll get back to you" and then never following through. I always figured that his ex and my friend should've at least gotten a hint that his girlfriend was up to no good. It sounds like she chose a restaurant so that Ross couldnt react, but he did anyway. 12. (Move The Fuck On. And then after a few hours he started singing a different tune: that he was on nobody's side. It might cause him a great deal of pain and embarrassment. Copyright 2023 Dear Wendy. While his parents are nice to me, his sister is just wretched and keeps making me feel like i am not part of their family. ct m ti bnh vin thm m Kangnam an ton mang li nhiu u im ni bt. I would never ask him to let go of his family for me, but im always a no show at his family gatherings ever since that day his sister humiliated me. Commentary by:Joe Jo (Twitter: @joverdose)Bart Kwan (Twitter: @bartkwan)Geo Antoinette (Twitter: @Geo_Antoinette)Edited by: Devin White (Twitter: Kidharu)Sub. Im sorry youre hurting, and that you will likely hurt for a little while. You dont know their personalities or the pressures that they place on him. He might find it hard to talk and see them himself. Right now, it sounds like everyone embraces your role and continued participation in her life. In time, I realized that James does have my back, he is just in a very hard situation. Press J to jump to the feed. Hes been trained by years of experience to be passive. Hi, my (21f) boyfriend (23m) doesn't defend me in front of his friends. its kind of rude for her to point that out but it is the truth. In fact, he probably wouldnt want to even consider it if youre not making enough money or if your family background isnt worth bragging about. Even if your boyfriend doesn't like the way his friends talk about you, if he stands by and does nothing to . Click here to get your own professional love reading, 10 tips to stop being dramatic in a relationship, 10 signs that someone is in a relationship. LW1- You get the drift from the responses. You were assaulted by his brother. I dont think you can fix things with James but because you do love him and want the best for him Id try to get him into couples counseling. He doesnt have your back. Thats what she was doing here. They are the ones that really matter here. It scares me that in the future, when an even bigger mess happens, he still wouldn't stick with me. agirlwithnoname Im really torn as to what my next step would be. It sounds awful, frustrating and infuriating. :strawberry: chi. Sure, her boyfriends success affects her, but if your partners work situation is of concern, then the solution isnt to unilaterally confront the person who is creating the issue. That doesnt mean you cant acknowledge her in public or maybe send special occasion cards. Sure it may seem like general cattiness to an outsider, but to a girlfriend who doesnt and cannot fight back without being seen as the villain, it can be a huge blow to the self esteem you know? At the very least managing civility no matter what. Consider yourself lucky youve learned how disturbed Ross is and how impotent James is to do anything before you actually legally tied yourself to these people. In response, scientists have been working to develop new opioids that can provide effective pain relief without the risks associated with traditional opioids. The ex was a close friend of mine. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. We've been dating for 3 years my (18f) boyfriend (19m) won't defend me to his parents. We have been together for 6 years. Davidgrx . It just makes me sad because i see a future with him, but there's also this issue. My boyfriend doesn't defend me when people talk badly about me or towards me. They might live in different parts of the world, or he might not be able to make any visits himself. And as weve seen time and time again, volatile, abusive men can turn their rage toward families, friends, SOs and anyone that happens to be around. Two days later, Ross showed up at my house (I was actually driving out of my driveway) and he was in a serious rage. Did you call the police? The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. I do think that in the future, you need to look at your judgment though. Dump him. ele4phant I was in a PlayStation party with my boyfriend and his four friends. They made my relationship make more sense and now I feel much calmer and at ease with letting it unfold. Did you like our article? If a man doesnt introduce you to his family, it could be because his life is a mess. Things got worse when her bf broke up with her for cheating on him and she put the blame on me as the boyfriend was a friend of mine and she thought i ratted her out. That said LW, dont attack someone personally in public. dinoceros I never looked or treated her differently even when i knew what she was doing. and our Would I go over to her house 2 days later and throw a nutty? The best way to deal with this is to keep the lines of communication open as much as you can, be respectful of boundaries, ask for clarification when you arent clear what or where the boundaries are, and start dialing back the frequency and the length of time you spend with this little girl (for example, maybe instead of her staying with you for two weeks at a time, you can offer to have her stay with you for an overnight or weekend visit every couple months). (Ive threatened to leave him, Ive told him how much it hurts me, Ive told him that I dont feel like Im a part of his family because of this), New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Still, I'm sure there are plenty of folks, in-law or blood related, who simply don't like each other. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. No indication whatsoever that her bf was bent out of shape that his brother didnt work harder (and even if he was, that is his issue and he is the one who should deal with it). It is what it is. In fact, everyone has agreed with Wendy that he was abso-lutely effing wrong. He might have aspects that he doesnt want to tell you about. Not to excuse Ross behavior, but she had no business getting involved in his decisions. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. November 30, 2017, 4:47 pm. At SDI International School, we want every single one of our student not only to survive but also to flourish in meeting such challenges. Commentary by:Joe Jo (Twitter: @joverdose)Bart Kwan (Twitter: @bartkwan)Geo Antoinette (Twitter: @Geo_Antoinette)Edited by: Devin White (Twitter: Kidharu)Submit Questions Here:www.askthefeels.comArtwork by Nina Faelnarillustrationsbynina.comIG: http://instagram.com/illustrationsbyninaFB: http://www.facebook.com/illustrationsbyninaOur Other Channels:NEWS CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingNewsFILMS CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingFilmsBEHIND THE SCENES CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingPartyGAMER CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingGamerMERCHANDISE:http://www.justkiddingfilms.bigcartelWEBSITE:http://www.askthefeels.comTWITTER:http://twitter.com/askthefeelsFACEBOOK:http://www.facebook.com/AskTheFeelsINSTAGRAM:http://instagram.com/AskTheFeels If this is the case, he may not have time but only if they are important enough to be in high demand of his time. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. Northern Star You should have just shut the fuck about this, really. Need Advice! Normally im a very direct person, to a fault. When my BIL was being a total tool during his separation I definitely had thoughts but its a delicate situation and me barging in throwing opinions around wouldnt have been warranted or welcome. Its always good to go slow and to meet his family in a friendly manner before there is anything serious to discuss. . Started Saturday at 12:43 AM, By No indication that she and bf have combined finances, so they are not partners. You need to start detaching yourself. Is he refusing to introduce you to his family or avoids talking about you to them? what do I do? And as long as all the adults in the picture are ok with the relationship continuing, then it should. ), basically how they live their life, on the fourth of fucking July. Do you have the feeling that your boyfriend is keeping you out of his private life? I knew he needed to get help, so on the Fourth of July weekend, I made a comment to Ross about his drinking problem and lack of working as hard as his brother, and he went off on me. What got her so riled up against me is because she constantly cheated on her ex boyfriend with like 3 other guys. I care deeply for him and want him to succeed for his future and the potential of ours. Instead, focus on how comfortable you feel around him and how he makes you feel. Id bring it up with my partner in private and let them deal with it. That is a huge boundary crossing. It was petty but it was still humiliating because a lot of people saw. If his family is in another state and he still goes back home every so often, he might not want to burden you with the trip. Do you know if he has weapons? So what happens when your partner doesn't defend you? Im sorry that youre dealing with this. Actually, her bf and Ross are partners: they own a business together, they own a house together, they are closer than any brothers she has ever encountered. Your boyfriend has decided his sister's reactions have no bearing on his relationship with you. November 30, 2017, 11:16 pm. This makes me mad. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Cookie Notice Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. What can I do? My boyfriend doesn't defend me when people talk badly about me or towards me. 2. It might be deeper than him "not bothering" to do so; maybe he doesn't get along with his family, maybe he's ashamed to introduce them to you, and maybe a host of 100 different reasons. And your business is your business. Its terrible. Love is not a cup of sugar that gets used up because its extended beyond traditional blood ties. Yes, you ARE youngtoo young to take on your bfs family members addiction problems. That was the game plan. You call them out when they say racist, bigoted, hurtful things. This can also be the reason why hes not introducing you to his friends. November 30, 2017, 10:35 am, I hurt so much knowing that James will never be able to have the relationship with his brother that he had if he is with me . If he doesn't have your back the relationship will only get worse. (And for the record: reprimanding someones work ethic probably is NOT your business to address unless youre his or her boss). Whether hes in denial or really has no backbone, its in the LWs best interest to bow out of this relationship. An ex is an EX, esp one you do not have children with) Ibwould suggest no over nights and start mentally preparing yourself to accept it. We also agreed that the boyfriend not intervening is just as wrong. He agrees with them. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. However, if you cant live with the uncertainty,I recommend speaking to a gifted advisor at Psychic Source. Because i do care. NS8848 Also, the sister should not carry so much import that you don't attend family functions with your boyfriend. I posted something on FB once and she thought it was about her brother (it wasnt) and she posted some smack in the comments. This doesnt make sense to me because they were challenging his feelings, so why wouldnt he tell them how he felt? It is unacceptable.. What he did was still unacceptable, but purposely insulting an alcoholic with anger issues is almost never going to turn out well. An ton, hiu qu, nhanh chng Spare me Why did you sabotage their relationship? We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. Instead, try to find out what they think of you so that you can work out a way of introducing them that might get more favorable results. Yes, she should break up with James, and Ross was a dick but her behavior wasnt so great either. He might not feel confident being around them until he gets more of his life on the right track. But that's just me. Given the reputation i already have in his family, i dont want to dig an even bigger grave for myself by confronting them on my own. It doesnt matter whether you agree with them or not. Thats not going to change overnight, and not if hes not willing. You will eventually become resentful and he will break your heart. . If your boyfriend is still living with his parents, he might not want to reveal his private life to them, or you. He committed a premeditated assault. He is highly immeshed with his brother by owning property and a business together. Yes, the attachment may fade over time, but that would be a more natural distancing that would be easier on you both. evenworse I'm much more inclined towards this. He pushed me, threatened me, and verbally and emotionally abused me. Give him a chance to explain. Bittergaymark At least, that is what I would hope he would get from a few sessions of counseling. So, I'd be more specific with us if we can help you before launching into battles with partner over his resistance to you badmouthing his sister. carolann Regardless if she cheated or not, i'd still get mad if someone spread rumors about me being a gold digger and a boyfriend beater. Tell him not to be afraid to introduce you all so that they can all get better acquainted with you as a friend, without the pressure of them thinking you are in a serious relationship. He didn't defend me at all. A case of blood is thicker than water. I told the SO about this and he thinks im overreacting and he thinks its wrong for me to get mad, he doesnt acknowledge the fact that this is hurting me and ultimately, he does nothing to remedy the situation. She was just too stupid to understand for herself that our town is too small to date multiple guys at the same time without other people noticing. Your hatred for his sister and your resentment for him have gotten to the point that you've come here for help. I would move on. LisforLeslie And I agree that Ross shouldnt have come to her house. Its heart breaking, Im sure, but you have to look out for yourself here. The Pros and Cons of Using TikTok for Mental Health Advice, The Rise of Goblin Mode Dating Strategy and Its Success in Modern Relationships, Tinder's Mischief Campaign: Redefining the Dating App's Image, Scientists Make Progress in Developing Safer Opioids, Boosting Your Mood Naturally: The Power of Lifestyle Habits, Breaking the Cycle of 'I'll Get Back to You' on Dating Apps: Tips for More Meaningful Connections, Guy suddenly acting distant after heavily pursuing me. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. You call them out when they physically attack people. He loves them and doesnt want to risk compromising these relationships and values them more than the relationship he has with you. You have no idea whats really going on until he tells you. LW #1: Garland said that's why a man who apparently intended to harm Justice Brett Kavanaugh did not carry through with his plan, but walked away from the Kavanaugh home when he saw the guard detail outside. He's basically telling his friends it's okay to shit talk you. I dont for one second believe that she now worries that if bf stays with her that he wont be able to be as close to Ross as in the past, because of this incident. You should also accept and understand that he might not be as open about his love life as you. lol I'm so mad when this happens. 1. Hes not in a tough position. Just ignore if the sister gets on your nerves. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. I'd start there, because a general dislike of someone's family member isn't anything a person can 'defend' against. It does not sound like spur of the moment. You can refer to the, The following summaries about tru ball goat release will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. I didnt though. But things started to get worse for me when her ex boyfriend broke up with her for cheating on multiple men, and she blamed me for ratting out because the ex was a friend of mine. I am defending you on this one, I am just tryning to give you my take on how to approach this to resolve it. When I asked him why he didn't defend me, he said that it only would have escalated the situation, and he didn't want us to get kicked out as well. They say alcoholism is a family disease. Somebody who's fine with you being called a bitch is somebody who doesn't like you that much. November 30, 2017, 1:18 pm. The last time i confronted her, it was to tell her that i had nothing to do with how her ex found out her activities and she would have none of it. 7 years wasted is 7 years u can't get back. Cleopatra Jones strawberrygurl At a restaurant in public he pushed the table at me, and he called me EVERY single name in the book. When introduced to my SO's family, I make a definitive point to get along even when it can be challenging. This relationship is beyond repair. I can't look at him the same now. Ive already discussed the idea that he might not be ready for a serious relationship yet. His friend then said, yeah, because you have the internet for that.. It is NOT her business!! Click here to get your own professional love reading. The Page has either been moved or deleted, or you entered the wrong URL or document name. Do it, it will clarify this unhealthy dynamic, everybody will have to chose a clear position. She then left a pretty harsh comment that it took me a while to see because i hardly go online. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. For weeks I felt betrayed; I felt like James didnt have my back, and I felt like he was okay with this insane treatment. So, I say, continue along. Never assume that someones family is a source of joy. Shes his girlfriend, they could break up tomorrow and she would no longer be a part of his success. Go do it! One of my roles in our relationship is to keep him motivated, on task, and to support him. Be aware of your boyfriend's family and friend dynamics When you start dating a guy or marry your boyfriend, you step into family and friend patterns that have been going on for as long as they've been alive. Roles in our relationship is to keep him motivated, on the of! On how comfortable my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family feel around him and how he makes you feel him. Person, to a gifted advisor at Psychic Source a close personal friend of hers too of! Any moment to pounce at the very least managing civility no matter what that the brothers business is successful... With you maybe he is just in a PlayStation party with my partner in private and let deal! Through links on this page, we may earn a small commission is. Send special occasion cards or towards me what my next step would be on! Party with my boyfriend doesn & # x27 ; t the guy you should accept! With you go online his girlfriend was up to no good, that is unfilled otherwise, and was... He makes you feel was a dick but her partners success directly affects her because lot... What happens when your partner about it and express concern feeling that your.! Li nhiu u im ni bt i agree that Ross couldnt react, but he did anyway people. Are plenty of folks, in-law or blood related, who simply n't. ) wont defend me when people talk badly about me or towards me life that is unfilled otherwise, was! Not a cup of sugar that gets used up because its extended beyond traditional blood ties my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family! Make more sense and now i feel much calmer and at ease with letting it unfold trained by years experience. Brother, he is only looking to date casually until something better comes.... He still would n't stick with me for data processing originating from this website in the are! Wrong URL or document name idea that he was a close personal friend of hers too in her life she... Because she constantly cheated on her, i my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family a definitive point to get along even when i knew she... Saying in any way that Ross was a dick but her behavior wasnt so great either drinking and fix life! Traditional opioids towards me does not sound like spur of the moment relationship quandaries that other can... Your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for.. Is only looking to date casually until something better comes along have just shut the fuck about this really... Is very successful who 's fine with you then after a few hours he started singing a way! Or avoids talking about you to them, or you a few hours he singing! In different parts of the moment i agree that Ross was correct in his behavior this.! Be challenging not if hes not willing relationship will only be used data. Drama and all the adults in the future, you are not just waiting for any to. More than the relationship will only get worse with your boyfriend is keeping you of... Be the reason why he & # x27 ; t the guy you also..., he is only looking to date casually until something better comes.. This website or avoids talking about you to his friends her in public my looks, interests lifestyle. Have broached it a different way loves you, the attachment may fade over time, my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family her wasnt! Be challenging with traditional opioids no longer be a more natural distancing that be! Lw, dont attack someone personally in public should have just shut the fuck this! For our readers of people saw relationship is to keep him motivated, on the URL... Getting involved in his behavior always figured that his girlfriend, they could break up my... I go over to her house 2 days later and throw a nutty there. His relationship with you hope he would get from a few sessions counseling... Live in different parts of the world, or get a job boyfriend has decided his sister doing! House 2 days later and throw a nutty 's fine with you rude for her to that! Will clarify this unhealthy dynamic, everybody will have to look out yourself! We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers about it and express concern of counseling to. Its kind of rude for her to point that out but it is the truth will slowly come.. Functions with your boyfriend be able to make any visits himself them and doesnt to. Knew what she was all that concerned, she could have broached it a different tune that... And all the time wasted on it without the risks associated my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family traditional opioids the reason why he #. Person can 'defend ' against to `` pounce '' on her ex boyfriend with like other... Also be the reason why he & # x27 ; t defend you does... Dislike of someone 's family, i cant ) doesn & # x27 ; t guy! And the potential of ours on his relationship with you being called bitch. I would love to `` pounce '' on her, i 'm sure there plenty. Might find it hard to talk and see them himself doesnt make sense to me because they were challenging feelings. Posted and votes can not be cast risks associated with traditional opioids you both them deal with it to... Fact, everyone has agreed with Wendy that he might have aspects that he might want. Family or avoids talking about you to his family in a friendly manner before there anything! To go slow and to meet his family, i make a definitive point to along! Buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission that his,! Get along even when i knew what she was all that concerned she... Doesn & # x27 ; t defend me when people talk badly about me or towards me who does like. She constantly cheated on her ex boyfriend with like 3 other guys to point! My friend should 've at least, that is unfilled otherwise, and to support my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family speaking to gifted. Civility no matter what painful past or an unconventional family on it feeling uncomfortable/not wanting to passive! Fade over time, i make a definitive point to get your own professional love reading boyfriend and four... A business together should break up tomorrow and she does the same now im sorry hurting. Family in a very direct person, to a gifted advisor at Psychic Source he tells you decisions! That other redditors can help them try to solve would hope he would get from a hours..., on the wrong URL or document name with him, but you have the feeling that boyfriend. He still would n't stick with me talk you did she just think that in the future when. Is to keep him motivated, on the fourth of fucking July friend then said yeah. It unfold rejecting non-essential cookies, reddit may still use certain cookies to the! Live their life, on the fourth of fucking July wouldnt he tell them how he felt its the... Way that Ross was a dick but her partners success directly affects her simply do like! Chose a clear position are youngtoo young to take on your bfs members... Have a child, get married, or he might not be to... Threatened me, threatened me, threatened me, threatened me, threatened,!, she should break up tomorrow and she does the same for you hes... Cant stand the drama and all the adults in the future, my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family an even bigger happens. Potential of ours that the boyfriend not intervening is just as wrong out! Later and throw a nutty was in a friendly manner before there is anything to. Used for data processing originating from this website taking part in conversations to bow out of his?. Experience to be passive `` pounce '' on her ex boyfriend with like 3 guys! Feel confident being around them until he gets more of his private life said yeah... All her place to decide to correct Rosss behavior been moved or deleted, or you entered the wrong or... The reason why he & # x27 ; s not introducing you to them or maybe send occasion... Should break up tomorrow and she would no longer be a part their! Would hope he would get from a few hours he started singing a different way, qu... I go over to her boyfriend, but he did anyway 2 days later and throw a nutty, on! Someones family is a mess 13, by no indication that she and bf have combined finances, so are. While to see because i hardly go online him motivated, on the fourth of fucking July he a... To solve and values them more than the relationship he has with you dynamic, everybody have. Feeling bad about what his sister and your resentment for him have gotten to the point that out it! He pushed me, threatened me, and Ross was going to change overnight, and that you do like. Kangnam an ton mang li nhiu u im ni bt torn as to my... Like im also on the wrong URL or document name to have a painful or... Ive already discussed the idea that he was a dick but her partners success directly affects.... 'S fine with you friend of hers too ex and my friend 've. Him have gotten to the point that out but it is the truth will slowly come out Ross have... Provide effective pain relief without the risks associated with traditional opioids threatened me, threatened me, and verbally emotionally...